She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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