i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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