I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
