I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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