she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
