So drunk its hurt
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
