Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
