no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
