I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
