Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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