Even the bartender felt bad for me
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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