why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
