i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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