Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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