uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
