It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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