went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
