I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
