My liver just broke up with me...
Only a mothe r could love this liver
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
