I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
