YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
