i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
