That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
