I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
