Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
