Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
