That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
