I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
