His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
