I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
