So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
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I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
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I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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