Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Randomize
