This girl is more easily done than said...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
