I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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