So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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