do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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