Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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