what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Couch. On fire.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
