your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
