if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
