Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
you will always have a special place in my vag
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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