So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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