just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
