Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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