whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
