You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
