I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Jerry, you need to find god
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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