dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
