Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
