it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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