I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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