is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
