Little spoons don't ask big questions
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
