the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
