wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
it hurts more in the daytime
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
