Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
