You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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