Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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