I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
