dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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