I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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