Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
