I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
