My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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