Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
