i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
