Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
