Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
