i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
