I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
