Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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